So, I’m applying for a job as a Technical Writer, something I have done throughout my careers. I had no idea that there was actually employment based on the skill, so I am pretty excited about this. The gentleman setting up the interview asked me for samples of said writing I had done, but unfortunately, all of that was proprietary. I didn’t even have a technically written memo. My sister suggested that I just whip something up. Like a batch of cookies. And while I am sure the recruiter would have enjoyed them, I don’t think they would have done much good on the job front. So I wrote a “procedure” about how to confirm calibration of a balance once per shift. Rather dry, but that’s technical writing. Sometimes. She suggested that I also do something like a user manual. You may have noticed that I have a fascination with the Acme Generic Hole made popular by Wile E. Coyote of Warner Bros. fame. This was the result.
Acme GH12000 & GH12000DX
THANK YOU FOR YOUR PURCHASE
Congratulations on your purchase of your GH12000 or GH12000DX. Your purchase will soon have you all over your house coming up with new and novel uses you never before thought possible. We at Acme strive to provide quality products to creative and inventive people all over the world. We would love to hear about your uses for our products so that we can give feed back to our development laboratories. We hope you enjoy your new scientific equipment.
GETTING STARTED
CARTON CONTENTS
You should find the following items in your carton:
- 1. GH12000(DX)
- 2. This instruction Manual
- 3. GH12000C OR DXC (the cover for your new equipment)
The GH12000 ships with the cover on for safety reasons. This cover should remain in place until the GH12000 is to be used. Never leave an uncovered GH12000 unattended. Serious injury or death could occur. Please see the Safety and Liability Statement at the end of this manual before using your new product.
DIRECTIONS FOR FIRST USE
Remove your new GH12000(DX) from the cellophane wrapper, and take the time to familiarize yourself with the weight and feel of the GH12000 and its cover as a unit. In the center of the cover you should see the directional arrows indicating locked and unlocked positions.
While in the locked position, your GH12000 is inert and not active. This is the safest way to handle your product.
While holding the GH12000 with the cover facing you, you should have your hands at the “3 o’clock” and “9 o’clock” positions (the DX model has these positions clearly marked.) Place your GH12000 against and flat, vertical, horizontal or otherwise angled surface. For first use and to become familiar with using the product, we recommend a wall that has nothing on the other side. Your GH12000 should adhere easily.
GH12000DX only – Make sure the slider on the side of the GH12000DXC is in the “infinite” position.
With your hands in the above referenced positions, turn the cover counterclockwise to the unlocked position. Your product is now active. Gently remove the cover to reveal the face of your GH12000.
CAUTION: Some people have been known to become dizzy and experience severe vertigo when looking at an active GH12000 for long periods. Until you become used to the visual effects, we recommend placing the GH12000 at least four feet above the lowest surface or floor.
You may now place anything inside that you can fit through the face.
GH12000DX ONLY
To use the Through setting, make sure the cover is on and in the locked position, and mount the GH12000DX on a surface. Make sure you know what is on the other side of the surface. We do not recommend using the Through mode on any surface with a thickness greater than 4 feet. Move the side slider to the arrow with the line over it, and remove the cover. You may now pass items through the surface.
WARNING
THE GH12000 BASED PRODUCTS MAKE USE OF SINGULARITIES TO CONTROL TRANS-DIMENSIONAL WORMHOLES. SERIOUS INJURY OR DEATH CAN OCCUR DUE TO IMPROPER OR MALICIOUS USE.
Acme Products Inc. cannot be held liable for injuries or death as a result of improper usage of our products. If you have questions or concerns about using our products, please call our usage hotline listed below. We have Dr. Sheldon Cooper standing by to answer you and make any recommendations concerning the use of our products.
Please check state and local regulations concerning objects traveling at faster than light speeds before using the through setting.
Do not install on a surface facing down unless the product is empty or you intend for the contents to fall directly below the product.
Do not use active product in large bodies of water. Rapid and severe drop in water level can occur.
If cover becomes lost, peel product from surface to deactivate. Product will become active again when placed on another surface. To prevent activation, we recommend you roll up the product and secure.
Please call 1-800-MISTAKE for technical assistance.
We hope you enjoy your new Acme Generic Hole.
you are a nut!