As promised, here I am documenting my first day of chemical mitigation for ADD/ADHD: I am 47 I have never taken medication for this before. I am taking a highly controlled stimulant. I have never taken stimulants before. I do not know what to expect. I work in a very noisy open environment.
8:05 am I took my first dose this morning.
9:05 am I noticed mild heart burn, close to what being hungry feels like. Then I got sleepy. I was driving to work at the time.
10:00 am The sleepy feeling passed I had a cup of coffee during that hour. I felt like I had taken cold medication. Sleepy with jitters. My scalp tingled. The noise in here isn’t bothering me like it usually does. I usually have to step out to get my head together, and its busier and louder than normal.
10:30 am the scalp tingling has stopped and so have the jitters. got another cup of coffee. I feel like someone flipped a switch in my head that says “focus”. the noise and activity aren’t bothering me. I don’t have to make an effort to ignore them!! this is new! For the first time in my life I don’t have to actively ignore the conversations around me. I usually hear and try to pay attention to everything. I don’t try to eavesdrop, the mic is just always on. Its like the mic moved away and now its just background noise. It’s a huge relief to be able to just think. I am a bit more high strung, I think. Because thinking about how I would usually be affected and not having to deal with the frustration is a bit overwhelming. The relief is overwhelming. Like tears overwhelming. Don’t know if its the relief or the meds bringing on the tears. Also, this medication can have side effects that include loss of appetite and libido. All I can say on that is HA! HA HA!! Quite the opposite, thankyouverymuch.
2:00 pm The jitters are mostly gone. 3rd cup of coffee. still focused. still not a problem to tune out the activity around me. For a first day, not so bad so far.
3:00 Effects seem to be winding down… sleepy. Staying focused is easy, but starting on something new or deciding on what to work on is still a challenge. at least i can concentrate on making the decision.
4:00 My shoulders are tense. Not sure if it’s the meds, but I don’t usually have tension problems. Have to wait a few days and see.
5:30 pm Sooo, first day not so bad. I got a lot done, moreso than I think I could have gotten done under normal conditions for me. The massive amount of noise didn’t bother me. I’m not sure what I expected. I did not expect the medication to work “that well.” To be honest, I feel like it made a significant difference in my ability to keep my mind on what I was doing. By the same token, when I needed to change the channel, I didn’t have a problem going from one task to the next. For the first day, I feel things went pretty well. I did not have any anxiety, and I still don’t. I do feel like I am more chatty, for lack of a better term. In general I am a happy person, and I try to be pleasant to everyone. I have not had any issues maintaining that disposition that I am aware of. I am tense physically, with tightness across my back. My shoulders hurt. But if that is all I have to put up with, I think I can deal with it. I have asked key people that I work with to monitor my moods and behavior and let me know if they see anything out of the ordinary. One has experience with this medication and knows what to look for, the other does not. What is so surprising to me is the amount of guilt I am feeling. I feel guilty about giving in to something I can’t truly do anything about. I feel guilty about taking medication. I feel guilty about the type of medication, that it can be abused. I’m scared to death I will become addicted to it. I don’t have an addictive personality, but it still scares the bejesus out of me. And worst of all, the absolute thing I hate the most, is that I have been dealing with this, fighting it, for 45+ years, and I lost. I admitted defeat when I swallowed that first pill this morning. Was all I could do not to break down. I know I shouldn’t feel this way. I know it isn’t justified. its like taking advil for a headache. but I still failed, at least to me I did. You may see it differently. I suppose, since in essence I am still fighting it, that I haven’t failed. I failed to beat it without help, but since I haven’t stopped trying, I haven’t failed completely. Onward HO!! See you tomorrow.
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