I have a friend who is going through a very bad time right now. I wrote this in response to a LiveJournal post she made.
There are prayers for you here…
“God, I don’t know where I’m going to get the strength.” – Yes you do. you have already gone past the hardest part. Making the decision. That takes much strength and you are already there. I admire the strength in you. And if you need a little more, you can have mine 🙂
“a man who is not evil and not horrible” – The fact that you can say this, shows just how generous and forgiving you are. Don’t let a jaded relationship destroy this. It is a rare gem – protect it and keep it shining. If you can’t right now, I will hold it for you.
“I cry at night when I think about everything.” – Do not be ashamed of your tears. They are the only physical release we have for intangible stress. There is nothing wrong with a good cry. In your situation, crying is a good thing. If you find you have lost your tears, I will cry for you.
“A lot I’m going to be scarred a bit over.” – Yes, this will leave its mark on you. DO NOT even think that your failure to voice your objections is your fault. It simply is not in your nature. What you have endured is a cycle of abuse, and is in no way, shape, form, or fashion your error. He took for granted your continuing acceptance. It is mental abuse in its most subtle form. You will heal. And it may scar you. But i don’t think it is in your nature to be bitter, or keep your pain for company. If you change for the worse because of this, I will love you anyway.
Isen