Day:February 12, 2016

This post is about conflict. Not war or family, but the kind of conflict you might have at work, or with your spouse. Someone with whom you are close and make decisions. It’s unavoidable. We, as individuals, have different points of view, which will at some point result in conflict. I think conflict gets a bad rap. It doesn’t have to be negative. If you think about it, we would be far worse off without it. Take, for example, any form of propulsion. Debate. Sports. Electricity. Conflict is necessary. Conflict, when properly controlled and directed, results in positive vectors. In other words, if we learn to use conflict correctly, we move forward. Every time we make a purchase, we engage in positive conflict. I want a thing. You want money. We mitigate by making a trade. Or one of us assaults the other and takes what we want. Negative Conflict. If we want to make a difference in ourselves and those around us, we have to learn to use conflict; to look at it as a way to move forward. We get along better, we lose the fear of rejection. We learn about the people around us. We truly become a team. When we have a conflict, we are involved and engaged to meet a common goal. You don’t have conflict if people don’t care. you get “yeah, whatever.” Conflict indicates dedication and passion on both sides, and we can channel that. When you play off one force against another, something moves. Create positive vectors: move toward that star. Now excuse me, I’m off to make waves.

So, today was not the same. The effects from yesterday’s dose didn’t wear off until after 4:00am this morning. I didn’t feel tired or sleepy and it was easy to get up at 8 for work. I was able to rest by using yoga relaxation and breathing exercises. I took my second dose just after getting up. When I went out to the kitchen to do so, I felt aggravated with my son for leaving such a mess there and in the living room. Nothing new about that, but I don’t usually get agitated over it. I will watch my mood. I also felt myself hurry when I didn’t need to. I took a deep breath and relaxed. 9:20am The scalp tingling started and I’m starving. I have a meeting at 10 so i will not have time to eat or get coffee first. 10:15am I felt tension building up in my neck and shoulders. Yoga relaxation techniques are wonderful things, especially during meetings when you can’t stretch. 2:00pm I just realized that I have not had any coffee today. I have been very busy. I’m usually sleepy about now, but not today. Got some coffee. Noticed that I haven’t had the “cold medicine” effect today. Maybe stay away from coffee for a couple of hours after I feel it kick in. I finished the work day without issue. No tired feelings or grogginess. For the most part I felt normal. Mood was good all day, and no anxiety except for the earlier urge to hurry. 11:25pm Getting sleepy. hopefully I will sleep tonight.

I am still apprehensive about medication, but getting used to the idea that this may actually help. It’s only been two days, but I haven’t seen anything untoward in my behavior or how I have felt, mentally or physically. For Day 2, so far so good. I am still debating on whether or not I should continue to dose over the weekend. I don’t think I will need to if I continue treatment, but feel that I need to understand what effects a continuous schedule will generate. The pharmacology states that it leaves my system in 14 hours or less, but I don’t know if there are long term advantages or disadvantages. I am also seeking a medical professional with more adult ADHD management experience. Let’s see what Friday brings.