Category:Life in General

No, I’m not moving, at least my household isn’t.

Everyone that knows me knows I can be a bit… scattered. I am disorganized, and my thoughts are just as random and chaotic as the rest of me and my immediate environment. I have a confession to make about that. At the age of 4, I was diagnosed with Hyperkenetic Child Syndrome. You can read about that here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hyperkinetic_disorder

Now that science and medicine have had time to work their magic, they call it ADD/ADHD and related syndromes. There are all kinds of medications on the market for what I have been dealing with for the last 45 years or so. I have never used them. My mother believed that if medication was needed so teachers could handle children, it was the teachers that should be medicated. My symptoms were mitigated by diet and behavioral therapy; i.e. no artificial flavors, colors, preservatives, or sugar. Kool-Aide was a huge no-no. She told me that I was a smart little girl and that I knew when I felt like acting out. It was up to me to make sure I didn’t do so. And I was also responsible for monitoring my younger sister, who had also been diagnosed. We were instructed to monitor each other. It worked for the most part. I still had problems staying focused in school until junior high. I still had problems making friends. But the ones I did make, I still have today. As an adult, married and with children, I thought I was doing OK. I held my job, paid the bills on time, etc. Looking back, I can see where ADD was an issue, but I used routine and diet to mitigate, and my husband made sure I ate regularly and kept to my schedule. I did well until I lost my job. It took me about a year to get back into the workforce. By then, the financial stress was getting to me. I lost too much weight. I couldn’t concentrate, and organization was out of the question. I lost that job too. I kept my next position for 6 years. I held two positions while there. I did well until the company was sold and I was laid off. It took me six years and a two year diploma program to get back into the workforce. I held multiple temp jobs, but finally succeeded in a full time permanent position. I got promoted after 2.5 years. I did well. Then management changed. ADD became a factor again, and I lost that job while seeking treatment.

That was 3 years ago. It took me 5 months to find another job, get laid off, 3 mos to find another, lose it due to ADD and find another 2 weeks later. I have that job now, and I love it. I got it after being brought in as a contractor on a 6 month agreement. The company hired me. I do good work and I know it. I also know I am not consistent. I am having trouble with the ADD again. BUT! I will not lose this job to lack of organization and inconsistency like before. I have decided to seek treatment. I had already started the process before, and had the diagnosis, which was consistent with my childhood evaluation. I decided to pick up where I left off three years ago. I spoke to my physician. I got a prescription filled. I took my first dose today.

I despise daily medication. I take it for hypothyroidism. That’s it. I stopped taking birth control because I couldn’t remember to take it and there were other options available to us that did not involve synthetic hormones that would atrophy my ovaries. I avoid medicine at all costs. I treat with diet and tea. Colds, flu, infections, whatever. Doesn’t matter. Advil and Tylenol for pain. No Scripts. Ever. Antibiotics when I have no other choice. I have never used anything other than alcohol for recreation. If you have to drink or take something to have a good time, you’re doing it wrong. I have never used any substance illegally or legally for recreation, other than drinking. I just never had an interest, and I can’t physically tolerate opioids. They make me hysterical. So this first dose is huge for me.

In subsequent posts, I will be documenting how this treatment is affecting me. I will not be listing the chemical or the dosage; but it can be abused and if not handled correctly, can be addictive. I will list how I am feeling physically, any side effects, efficacy, and my emotional state. If you have any questions about my experience that you don’t feel comfortable posting in a comment, email me at isen.gaurd@gmail.com, and put “ADHD Posts” in the subject line. I will do my best to get back to you. Thank you for taking this journey with me. I hope you learn as much as I do.

Ahhh Friday… a day we all look forward to arriving. The last work day before the weekend. Mine was no different. I even had time to drink my coffee outside in the sunshine. Sunny, a few cotton ball clouds, a light breeze, not too warm yet. I got to watch people come and go, absorbed in daily life. Good coffee too. My son makes coffee every morning while I get ready for work. He didn’t have class, so my youngest who likes to stay up all night, made it for me. It was nice to be able to sit there and drink my coffee and just think.

Sometimes life hands you moments you just have to take.

It shouldn’t matter that I had a flat tire and was waiting for help.

P.S. Hugs to the hubby for the new 2-ton hydraulic trolly jack he popped in the trunk.

P.P.S. Mad props to the dealership that sold me the car for bringing me a wheel so I could get to work.

Humility – modest opinion or estimate of one’s own importance, rank, etc.

Service – an act of helpful activity

Accept – to undertake the responsibility, duties, honors, etc.

Humility accepts service. Accepting service humbles. Service humlbes acceptance.
Seems circular doesn’t it. All three words are entwined around each other. It’s hard to find any of them not in the vicinity of the others. Humility and service seem natural together, but how does accept fit in?

A friend of mine is healing from a severe illness. He related to me some of the feelings he had while in the hospital. Feelings of helplessness and humiliation. Bad feelings. Feelings of being a burden. He recognized the desire to help him in those around him. But how do you repay that kind of help?

Simple harsh answer? You don’t. You Can’t. As in no one on the planet is able to repay such a gift or favor. It’s that simple. You just can’t. It’s not possible; but you can pass it on. How? That is up to you. Only you will see yourself in those in need. You are the only one who can say “I was there. I know what it’s like. I can’t repay. But I can pass it on.”

Will you be there? Will you allow those who have accepted help from others, the privilege of service to others?

It’s not an easy answer. In order to say yes, you would have to be strong enough to open yourself to others when you are at your weakest and most vulnerable. And it isn’t fear that gets in the way. Most often it is pride. We are to proud to show weakness or need.

Don’t let pride stop you from asking for help. If you are the type that is always helping others, allow them to say thank you or pass it on by helping you. Helping and being helped brings everyone closer. We can always use more of that.

I’m sitting in the apartment I share with my oldest son while he is in school. An a room mate who is looking for a job. My youngest son will be up here in the fall to start school. My oldest should graduate in December. My room mate will find a job. Eventually my husband will join me up here when the house in another city is finished. I have a good life. I get along well with my children. I don’t have everything I want, but I have everything I need. I have enough.
My car is 14 years old. Would I like a new BMW? Sure! Feel free to buy me one. But I don’t need it. Would I like a raise at work? Of course I would! The renovations would go much faster. My husband, who is nearing 60, could retire. But we will get there anyway. We have enough. We even have enough to share. The room mate seems comfortable, but he is not one to complain.
Sure, there are numerous things that would make life easier or simpler. And there are things that could become much worse. But I like the way things are right now. Yes, there is a struggle to make ends meet, and the satisfaction of accomplishing those ends. The tired ache of a hard day working in the yard, the fuzzy brain after a long day of writing. The savoring of a lazy Sunday afternoon, recharging before work on Monday. Setting and reaching a never-ending list of petty goals that make up our lives. We take that for granted. The purpose of making a living, and enjoying it.
I love my life and those in it.
I love Enough.