Memory, a precious token
against a shield of pride, unbroken.
On this heart, my mind and soul
wage war between desire, and self control.
Do you know how much I want desire to win?
But can’t let go of self control enough to give in?
Even raw pictures,
with which desire fights,
self control wins-
because of pride.
On and on these two they spar,
and you,
calmly standing beside my car
unaware of the battlefield
or how close conquest comes to yield,
Every time I see you
FACE TO FACE
An online friend of mine who goes by the nickname CassiusOS drew a cartoon of me. He looked at my picture and then applied his impression of my personality. The pics are here:
So in return, I wrote for him using his method of personality application:
I wish I could draw for you
days of perfect time so true
Each scape of wonders to hold dear
my pen and paper would make clear
what my mind’s eye has in view
for my lovely, I’m drawn to you.
I sit and watch the water go by
In its depths, images from my mind swirl
The water mesmerizes me by giving life to the beauty around me
Trees are green and the banks a fertile black
The fish swim through the water – faster downstream than up
I hear the crickets and the birds
A canoe goes by
They do not see me
I am a part of the land, blended with the underbrush and dirt
Silence
No sign that man exists here
A breeze rustles the stiff palmettos behind me
Across the water there are woods
Thick
I cannot see into them
I cannot see what they contain
The lighter pebbles on the bottom move with the current and flow on to the Gulf
This place clears my mind and gives me peace
I am free again
Here, I can think and dream
The silence comforts me
When I am here alone, I think of others and how they would like it here
I am at home here
The trees are my walls, the bank my floor, and the balconies of the trees my ceiling
The life of the river surrounds me
When the animals come I watch them too
It is downstream
The wind blows upstream
It does not see or hear me
The breeze hits the leaves and it bounds away
I see the hawk
I see the small handprints in the dirt close to the water
The larger pawprints further up made last night
They come here to drink too
The breeze is cool as it lifts my hair from my neck
I close my eyes and listen to the life that I am a part of
My mind’s eye comes alive and I see the leaves rustle
The sun touches my back and I feel it
Its warm hand massaging me
I open my eyes
The sun does a ballet upon the water as it flows
I am the only human element here
A log floats by turning over and over and over
Again the leaves chatter with excitement
The wind moves my hair above me
A cloud scuttles across the sky
I shiver
It’s time to go now
I have had my share of God’s peace
i wake to find
i cant clear my mind
of this compulsion for sex and alcohol
the only desires i can presently define.
my gentle lover holds me and tells me
“It wont last long.
The sunshine that outlines the shadows on your soul
will fade,
and the rain that you so desperately love
will return
to drown those shadows in puddles
that you can jump in
and laugh again.”
my rock
my foundation
my physical salvation
u hear me
hold me
save me
lay me
love me
honor and cherish me
God made us one
to be never undone
let no man
tear asunder
darkness falling
but you are calling
me back to sanity
reality
family
love
home
self
hope