Quite the progression there. And I’m almost at the end. And I just realized it.
With my youngest child at the age of 19, the motherhood thing is coming to a close. I will always be Mom, their mother, but they no longer require the care, supervision and utter support of dependent children. They still require approval, and will for a while, which is ok with me. But we spend more time on equal ground, if not experience, than ever before. And they will always be fun. My boys have always BEEN fun.
I came to this epiphany because of a new hobby. Not one normally thought of as a female thing. It involves very loud noises and lots of lethal force. It is also something I thought I would never do, and I have found it quite liberating as far as overcoming personal obstacles is concerned. I have never been one to stint on research as far as my interests go. The more I can learn, the better I feel about the subject. So, while doing research on my hobby, I read an article about the issues and obstacles women face when pursuing my particular choice of recreation. One of them was guilt. Guilt about not cleaning the house, spending time with the kids, spending money on classes instead of tennis shoes. As I read, I grinned. “My kids are grown, I’m pretty much done with the mom thing.” is what I thought. That’s when it hit me. “My time belongs to me now, which is why I’m trying all of these new things. This is why I’m learning to tear apart engines. This is why I’m challenging myself to conquer personal fears and limitations and systematically eliminate them. This is why I’m suddenly and acutely aware that it’s my life, and I don’t need anyone’s approval to do what I want, other than those I choose from whom to request it.” Oddly enough, I am not saddened to see the end of that part of my life. Any more than I would be saddened by finishing a project for a class one of my sons was doing. Wistful? Maybe. We did it together. We had a good time. We finished the project, and it got an A+. We did a good job together. I can’t feel sad about that. Realizing this, I am ready to continue, fully understanding now, why this is so liberating, so fulfilling, and yes, so much fun.
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