The previous entry took me almost 4 days to write. My sister was assaulted by a man she trusted, one she had promised with whom to share her life. She is ok. Physically. He did far more damage mentally and emotionally. She had trust issues to begin with and was starting to work through them. I wonder now, if she will ever truly overcome them.
It takes me a long time to get mad, which isn’t fair. By the time I’ve turned the situation over in my head, several hours to days have passed by the time I decide that I am angry. There are no fits of rage, no temper tantrums, just cold, resolute anger. Hense the 4 days. It took me that long to comprehend my feelings, untangle the fury, analyse it, and express it. What it boiled down to was this:
I want him to understand and experience the fear my sister felt. The betrayal. The unknown. I want him to have no concept of existance other than this fear; no phyical feelings, no concept of time to wonder when it will be over, nothing else. To make him understand the helplessness, total absence of control, and the terror that comes with it. And I want him to feel that blind fear until his mind no longer exists. I DO NOT want him to die. I want him to live a very long life. Saturated by fear.
Concerning the Violent
It is my desire
to pluck out your mind
leaving an involitional husk
to place your sentience in darkness
the only points of brightness
incalculable fear
with no reprieve or succor
from bowel liquifying terror
that is consumate oblivion
to remove all concept of time
until corporeal existance withers
awareness devoured by the searing light
that precedes death
until there is nothing left.
Ode de Spam
I love my g-mail account. Here’s why. I’m guessing that gmail provides the ads we see on various webpages that also send us email when we visit the sites. That’s why g-mail’s spam filter is soooo very excellent. Google already knows they are spam. That being said, I decided to paruse the spam cataogory and actually read some of the headers of the 100 odd spam messages relegated to email hell in the last few days. Now, I know my demographics are out there. I do. Google has them, Google tracks my searches and know what I’m interested in. I know this information is available – I’ve had spam messages about it – showing off how it will benefit my enterprise to be able to access this info. So, why, in the infinite wisdom of the internet, am I getting spam that has no relevance to me what-so-ever?
I am a mother of 3 living in the south, happily married for quite a long time, and stably employed. Here is a sample of what spammers think I might be interested in:
Gay singles in your area (San Francisco) Really? When did I move across the country?
Work at Home and make Thousands I work a full time job and have three sons in their late teens. What part of work do you think I don’t do already?
Enlargement tablets! FREE SAMPLES!!! Obviously they don’t understand the equipment part of female. I’m a MOTHER, remember? Now start talking upper body and you might just get my attention.
Adjust the behavior of your child by following our program. No thanks. I’ll stick to the methods that I was brought up with. They have worked well so far. Try sending me a message that says ‘How to get your teen to do his chores in 3 easy steps’ and then INCLUDE THEM!!! Not only will I click on that, if the steps work, I’ll visit your site and see what else you have.
Jeeez, you would think spammers would care about demographics. They might get better results.
Catch 22
Today is my 22nd wedding anniversary. I have been posting affirmations about my husband for the last week on facebook. I think he’s quite a catch! So, here are all the things i posted in one place!
Brian T. Mahoney, you asked me if I wanted coffee this morning before I got out of bed. “Oh God, that would be awesome!” I mumbled, and staggered up to get ready for work. You made me coffee and had it waiting for me when I was ready to leave. It was just after 7 am. You didnt have to be anywhere until 10. Thank you for a wonderful start to the day. 🙂
Brian T. Mahoney, you called me at work to let me know that you wouldn’t be home when I got there. Thank you for letting me know so that I wouldn’t worry *hugs*
Brian T. Mahoney, you take such good care of me 😀 From breakfast to to nightcaps. And I love it when you hug me and tell me the rain will return 😉
I love the passion with which you live Brian T. Mahoney. When you believe in something, you throw yourself into it heart and soul. It doesn’t matter if it’s a new business, a relationship, a class, a point of view. When you smile, you smile all over. When you laugh, your soul giggles. And when you are in awe, even your eyelashes tremble.
Brian T. Mahoney, you make it so easy to tell where your heart is. What comes first is always on your mind and evident in all that you do. We are with you always 🙂
It makes me feel good when I cook dinner on the weekends, and Brian T. Mahoney gets seconds. He’s a picky eater, so I know he likes what I cooked when he does that 🙂 A kiss when he gets up from the table says way more than a ‘thank you’ ever could ?
I want to go home and pester Brian T. Mahoney…
In all this heat, I keep thinking about this past winter. Best thing to snuggle with? Brian T. Mahoney.
I aggravate you to death wanting hugs. I send you all over town on your day off. I don’t do housework and I can be rather unpleasant when frustrated. Thanks for putting up with me and loving me anyway ? Brian T. Mahoney
You walk into the room and I look up. We make eye contact. Mutual smiles flash. As you continue on your way through the room, your hand brushes mine. Then you’re gone, on to whatever you’re doing at the other end of the house. Not a word was spoken; they weren’t needed, because Brian T. Mahoney, knows what making love really means.
Brian T. Mahoney, I am:
Blessed to be your wife
Honored to be your friend
Humbled by your confidence
In awe of your capabilities
…Enamored of your personality
And
Completely and totaly in love with you!!!
? ? ?
Not much going on as far as work goes, but lots to do around the house. It’s 103F outside so outside work is our of the question. But fishing isn’t. Who grabs fishing gear and 3 of 4 boys? Brian T. Mahoney. Yeah! That’s right! He’s not just a husband, he’s a *DAD*
Busy day at work, aggravating drive home. Walk in the door and there is Brian T. Mahoney. He sees the look on my face and smiles, promptly gets up and hugs me. Suddenly all is right with the world again. ?
I love you Brian T. I have no plans to stop any time soon. You are and always will be my AWESOME!!! :party: :fangirl:
Skyfluff
Can you see it?
The cloud.
It rolls and boils.
but makes no sound.
It hurts.
drains color and noise.
takes senses and twists them around
no up, no down.
just lost.
lost in a cloud.