Nightshift Mindwalks, Poems and Other Nonsense

Ahhh Friday… a day we all look forward to arriving. The last work day before the weekend. Mine was no different. I even had time to drink my coffee outside in the sunshine. Sunny, a few cotton ball clouds, a light breeze, not too warm yet. I got to watch people come and go, absorbed in daily life. Good coffee too. My son makes coffee every morning while I get ready for work. He didn’t have class, so my youngest who likes to stay up all night, made it for me. It was nice to be able to sit there and drink my coffee and just think.

Sometimes life hands you moments you just have to take.

It shouldn’t matter that I had a flat tire and was waiting for help.

P.S. Hugs to the hubby for the new 2-ton hydraulic trolly jack he popped in the trunk.

P.P.S. Mad props to the dealership that sold me the car for bringing me a wheel so I could get to work.

Humility – modest opinion or estimate of one’s own importance, rank, etc.

Service – an act of helpful activity

Accept – to undertake the responsibility, duties, honors, etc.

Humility accepts service. Accepting service humbles. Service humlbes acceptance.
Seems circular doesn’t it. All three words are entwined around each other. It’s hard to find any of them not in the vicinity of the others. Humility and service seem natural together, but how does accept fit in?

A friend of mine is healing from a severe illness. He related to me some of the feelings he had while in the hospital. Feelings of helplessness and humiliation. Bad feelings. Feelings of being a burden. He recognized the desire to help him in those around him. But how do you repay that kind of help?

Simple harsh answer? You don’t. You Can’t. As in no one on the planet is able to repay such a gift or favor. It’s that simple. You just can’t. It’s not possible; but you can pass it on. How? That is up to you. Only you will see yourself in those in need. You are the only one who can say “I was there. I know what it’s like. I can’t repay. But I can pass it on.”

Will you be there? Will you allow those who have accepted help from others, the privilege of service to others?

It’s not an easy answer. In order to say yes, you would have to be strong enough to open yourself to others when you are at your weakest and most vulnerable. And it isn’t fear that gets in the way. Most often it is pride. We are to proud to show weakness or need.

Don’t let pride stop you from asking for help. If you are the type that is always helping others, allow them to say thank you or pass it on by helping you. Helping and being helped brings everyone closer. We can always use more of that.

I’m sitting in the apartment I share with my oldest son while he is in school. An a room mate who is looking for a job. My youngest son will be up here in the fall to start school. My oldest should graduate in December. My room mate will find a job. Eventually my husband will join me up here when the house in another city is finished. I have a good life. I get along well with my children. I don’t have everything I want, but I have everything I need. I have enough.
My car is 14 years old. Would I like a new BMW? Sure! Feel free to buy me one. But I don’t need it. Would I like a raise at work? Of course I would! The renovations would go much faster. My husband, who is nearing 60, could retire. But we will get there anyway. We have enough. We even have enough to share. The room mate seems comfortable, but he is not one to complain.
Sure, there are numerous things that would make life easier or simpler. And there are things that could become much worse. But I like the way things are right now. Yes, there is a struggle to make ends meet, and the satisfaction of accomplishing those ends. The tired ache of a hard day working in the yard, the fuzzy brain after a long day of writing. The savoring of a lazy Sunday afternoon, recharging before work on Monday. Setting and reaching a never-ending list of petty goals that make up our lives. We take that for granted. The purpose of making a living, and enjoying it.
I love my life and those in it.
I love Enough.